Conspiracy Selftest
28 definite signs for the fact that you spend too much time with conspiracy theories.
How do you know that you are conspiracified?
!! WARNING: This selftest will reveal your TRUE character!!
- You want to name your son Robert Anton.
- The C key of your keyboard is jammed.
- If your friend tells you he wants to visit Bielefeld at the weekend, you nod thoughtfully and whisper to him that Bielefeld does not exist. Or
- If your friend tells you he wants to visit Bielefeld at the weekend, your adrenalin level rises and you know: Ah, so you belong to THEM!
- You find it precarious that Audi resides in Ingolstadt. And the value added tax identification number of the Audi AG is DE811115368; which adds up to 24 (a camouflage): 23+1.
- You ask yourself what Jan van Helsing and Dracula have to do with each other and assume that this relationship is a fake.
- If your child asks you about the beginning of the 2nd World War, you begin your lecture with the bank empire Rothschild. After all one has to simplify for children; otherwise you would have begun with the Ancients of the Mountain and the Assassins.
- You make the bar codes irrecognizable on all your books and CDs.
- During a Town park walk in the bright sunlight and under the blue sky you notice that something is wrong: where are the chemtrails?
- When reading the sports section of the daily paper, you look first for pictures with a sportsman making the V sign.
- When visiting the natural history museum you notice that the alien exhibition is closed.
- You rather be late for work than take the bus at 7.23.
- When visiting the Egyptian museum you look for the Atlantis exhibition.
- You cannot understand why someone voluntarily installs the Google Toolbar.
- f you meet a distant relative on a birthday party, your second question is what he did on September 11, 2001 and if he has witnesses for it. (Your first, casually asked question is when he was in Dreamland last).
- You have more pictures of John F. Kennedy than of your last summer vacation.
- You know everything about size, armament, drive and crew of the Hanebu I and Hanebu II. When asked for the mileage of your car, however, you must look it up.
- You get up in the middle of the night to study the etymologic roots of “Hagbard” and “Herman”, because you have such an intuition …
- In your diary you collect the IP addresses of the White House and the American Department of Defense.
- You brood about how you can convince your family doctor to hand you out the blood test and the laboratory report after the analysis. And you ask yourself about the meaning of the code word “I want to examine your liver function”.
- You only accept a package after having cabalistically interpreted the number plate of the post office car and having verified it at the admission office. If you have to confirm the receipt of the package, you wind a towel around your writing hand, explain that you just sprained it, and scrawl clumsily with the other hand your signature into the touch display.
- You only open the door after the agreed knocking sign has been given: twice short - break – thrice long - long break – four times short – twice long. After all everybody could claim to be your father.
- If someone wants to explain the difference of TV licensing investigators and secret agents to you, you break off the discussion - one cannot discuss with brainwashed dogmatists.
- You rather leave your purchase in the supermarket than paying at cash desk 5.
- Since you buried your gold reserves in the garden last autumn, the so-called garden work of your neighbours became extremely suspicious. Not to mention the so-called mole hills, which clearly follow a certain pattern ….
- If a car follows you for more than two minutes on the motorway, you get nervous and after five minutes you either outdistance it or you stop on the side-strip. If it is a black sedan already after thirty seconds.
- n internet forums you change your password with each visit.
- You ask yourself who ordered the writing of this list.